The Year of the Conquering

And he had a different spirit, he follows me PASSIONATELY. I will bring him into the land that he scouted and his children will inherit it. Numbers 14:24.
Reflecting back on 2009 only makes you charge with thought into the future. In Numbers God commanded Moses to send people to scout out the promise land. The people were waiting, anxious for the report. What would their new home be like? Would it really be everything that God promised it to be? In my own life I feel myself at these moments waiting expectantly to see if everything really will turn out "alright" if that land I was promised really will be given to me. We all know how the story goes. When the people came back with the report only two (Joshua and Caleb) had a good report. "Lets go at once to take that land, we can certainly conquer it!" (13:30).
For 2010 there is this faith rising up in me to be just as these two. No matter what my circumstances look like, where I'm at. To have reckless abandonment to God to say "I can certainly conquer it!" This attitude can only come out of the fact- and it something that I still cannot completely wrap my head around -That he is jealous for me, therefore, I make myself reckless for him. So here we go.

I need

We can't fulfill anyone's deepest need. This is a hard thing to grasp, but once I do it does provide since of freedom. Knowing I cannot be enough for someone, and they cannot be completely enough for me. I wonder what would happen if people stopped demanding what others cannot give them. We either freely give it or not at all. Then when we do give, it looks differently knowing i'm only giving what God has given to me. I have this picture in my mind of what that looks like. What love looks like. The best I can do right now is offer up my love to him, my need for him.
When I break apart, I can break apart but at the same time never losing confidence in him and what he will do. Nothing comforts me more knowing I can just rest and need him.

I found a way to appease him, inside this alabaster jar-JMM

He split the earth

This morning I was reading Habakkuk 3. In the whole chapter the prayer was sung by Habakkuk by a vision God gave him.
When he stops, the earth shakes. When he looks, the nations tremble. He shatters the everlasting mountains and levels the eternal hills. But his power is not diminished in the least! You split the earth with open rivers. The mountains watched and trembled. (6, 9-10).
What an awesome description of our God so powerful. Sometimes I just needed to be reminded of his power. I can't even really fathom his power reading these words. But I know I want to know him more, and be found in him more. Its the only thing that keeps going. Jobs change, relationships change, but He's the one thing we can constantly pursue.


You split the earth with rivers, you split my heart in two. You let the eagle rise with the angel, you are the air I breathe. And I love to be found in you -Delirious

Free Falling

It is better to live in the truth then to live in your own reality. Even though that reality you've created for yourself is comfortable, hopeful, and the pain is less. One day you will wake up and realize it wasn't real at all, nothing you felt. Part of the problem of living in the truth is that is always sheds light on something about yourself that is not good. This truth makes you aware of your sin and your shortcomings. Or more importantly the never unending need of God's grace.
Trusting God with the truth is one of the hardest things to do. Its complete and vulnerable trust there are no veils anymore. God keeps stripping away my own, so that I cannot hang on. It wouldn't be called trust if I wasn't free falling into it.

Free fall is motion with no acceleration other than that provided by gravity.